Use it or lose it?!

Hi kids!

It has been quite a while since my last post. Work, life, balance… it all seems to catch up with me every now and again. During my time of wee silence, I have had a couple of topics brewing that I want to talk about.

First is something Uncle Choklit said that sparked some interesting conversation. It all started with a video of Obama’s meeting with young African leaders.

Different versions of me

So...

I have always been intrigued by journeys of self discovery and really being in touch with who I am. I must admit that I have grown out of touch with myself in recent years. So here I am sitting, asking myself how and why, or when did I manage to lose myself so much that I do not feel at this time, that I am sure of what I can write in a post about who I truly am. Well, I think I know what to do, all I will say at this time is that I am sure it has a lot to do with my faith.

I remember a time when I was at my most confident. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, well not too much, but I think I was a lot more open back then than I am now. I was not afraid of anything. I did not hold back on speaking my mind when I truly believed in something. Well, actually I did, but not as much as I do now. Perhaps it is a result of growing up, maturing past the naive young lady I used to be. Or maybe it is just that I have asked my heart to retreat into a cave, so I can hide it away from the storms of life and the bolts of lightning that have flashed and burned it when it used to fly so freely.

It kinda sounds like I am thinking a lot huh? Over thinking is definitely one of my dominant character traits, that I am pretty sure about. But so what? So long as I am confident and comfortable in my own skin, then nothing and no one should ever make me second guess myself.

I probably do not have all the time to start describing me at length in this post, so I will start by listing the different versions of me. I think I may have got something good going here that I can follow up on in later posts.

I am Ms Choklit, a Wife, a Career Woman, and a Mother

About me

I am not sure what to say right now and it will take a lot of time. So I have posted something I wrote out of the blue 2 years ago.

I am...

Me!

I am.
I am what I am.
I am who I am, I am who I was, I am who I am going to be and I am who I want to be.
I am calm, I am sound, I am strong, I am fragile.
I am dainty.
I am peaceful, I am regal... oh yes I am! Of course I am! Why then do you call me "peaceful ruler".
I am who I want to be.
I am whoever YOU want me to be.
I am the one who reminds you of another loved one.
I am the girl you love, I am the girl you hate... but I am. bite me!
I heard 'em say, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
I am who I am... what's it to you?

Yes, I am.

I am one who owns countless deep emotions, yet I am as numb as a brick wall;
... With no feelings at all.
I am the one who has resounding peace inside; at times I just resound.
I am one whose heart is at peace, yet war rages inside of me.
I am one who walks alone, yet I walk with many.
I am a lonely one, yet I am never alone.
I am one who knows exactly where I am going, but why then do I feel so lost?
I am one who doesn't always NEED God, yet I cannot live without Him.
I am one who puts up a brave front, yet still, I am such a coward.
I am one who wishes I did not have to go through that.
Why did I have to do it?
But I am.

I am my body.
I am my image.
I am what I look like... am I not?
I am fat, I am thin, I am tall, I am short, I am beautiful, I am ugly, I am what YOU see.
I am my hips, I am my legs, I am my toes... of course I am! You knew me when you saw them without having to see my face!

I am my soul.
I am she.
I am pensive... period!
I am loyal, but I am defiant.
I am my voice, you know I am, you don't need no caller ID because you know my voice.
I am my personality, I am my likes, I am my dislikes, I am my zeal.
I am a prude, I am a vixen.
I am highly strung, I am placid.
I am private, but I like to share (only when I want to)
I am so caring, I am nonchalant.
I am capable, yet I just can't sometimes.
I am innocent, but I am not without sin.
I am perfect... let's just leave it at that.

I am my spirit...
...
...
I am my spirit?
...
...
I will tell you more when it's time.

Well, I am.

I am happy, I am sad.
I am sane, I am mad.
I am wretched, I am glad.
I am useless.
But I am the best you've ever had!

I am my past, I am my future.
I am where I came from.
I am my mother, I am my father, I am my brothers, I am my sister
Yes, I am even my friends.
I am my husband.
I am where I have gone to..
I am Dhedhi's little girl.
I am Muroora, I am Mainini, I am Maikuru, I am Mbuya, I am Muzukuru, I am so many, yet I am one.
I am my children.
I am my generation.

I am young, I am old, I am hip, I am boring.
I am definitely what you see first thing in the morning. Live with it!

I am equal and opposite.

I am what YOU see.
What YOU see is exactly what YOU get.
If YOU don't like what YOU see...

BITE ME!

I am.