Daily devotionals

So, in a not so desperate effort to populate my online journal, I have gone back a few years to when I would send out group e-mails if I just wanted to "talk" and put my thoughts out there. I have edited them slightly to make them blog-able. As I read through what I had written all those years ago, all I can do is think, "how I have changed!!!!!" This was one of the reasons why I loved to record my life, so I could see the changes in me. I had suddenly stopped for years, but I hope I can get back into it again.

Here is a cheat post I wrote almost 4 years ago... I had just moved cities and had more time on my hands as I was jobless... hmmmm, kinda like now except I still have a job, but I have been away from it since L'il Coco was born. I was also quite friendless as I did not know many people in my new city.


Back then.............


Well, I have a few friends, in fact sistas, who I love dearly. I get a lot of inspiration from them  and certainly aspire to use their examples as I strive to deepen my relationship with God. What better time than now for me? I have no more excuses. At the moment I have more time on my hands than I have had in years. I have few distractions from work and other great joys like hanging out with girlfriends all day at the mall. Must be living in a new place for real, not another holiday! I have been encouraged to take advantage of this precious time to seek God's will for my life. Thanks for that whoever encouraged me to do this.

Only problem is I feel like it has been so long since my prayers were consistently deep and meaningful. My prayers feel ritualistic and unloving. Ofcourse I have moments during the year where I feel inspired, but it is not constant, in fact very rare. I am now finding myself in a position where I am not even sure what to say to God. What to read in the Bible has always been tricky, but I have found daily devotional plans which should help me, they are in abundance on the net. I get bored of them after a few days and look for new ones, perhaps I need an actual book?

I decided to search for a bit more on the net and I found an article which sums up how I have felt about my prayers lately. And lately means for at least a couple of years. The last time I was truly satisfied with my devotional life was when I was still at Uni. Oh I had great times of depth in my devotionals. All I wanted was God, I wasn't even praying for husbands, but I still got one. Thanks to my prayer partners who wouldn't quit on praying on this topic. Praise God! I have struggled since then to get back the relationship I once had, and still struggling.

Here's an example of what this article said:

• I realise that I frequently 'prayed to the wall' - i.e., I wasn't praying to God; I was just voicing my concerns. Oh I do a lot of that!
  
• I didn't know God's character very well - which meant that I didn't really understand what I should be praying for in different circumstances.
• When praying in groups I would pray for others' benefit - not necessarily to God but to others. hmmmmmm
  
• I would frequently drift off, not paying attention - especially during others' prayers. oh dear!
  
• I have heard others pray in church to no-one - I mean the prayer went something like this: "Let the name of our Lord God be praised, and His Spirit and His Son..." - when they could have prayed: "May your name be praised O Lord and the name of your Son and your Spirit..."
• I frequently managed to promote myself in prayer, and it is not uncommon to gossip through prayer. let's not even go there

And now....................


I can't believe I wrote all that to my friends!!!!!!! I wonder what I was thinking. Funny thing is though, that after 4 years, I still feel in most ways the same. I do think it is time for a real change. It has to change!